i love you.

& i miss you so fucking much.
it's quite weird actually, i write to you. well, not to you, so much, as i understand that you can't read them. but i write as though i'm adressing you. & mostly i just tell you what a fucking arsehole you are. you were doing so well. i loved you so much, even after all that time. so did your other friends, david, your mum, your sisters. and you went and done that.
i suppose i know why you done it. i suppose i always did know, from the minute i found out, but i still couldn't believe it.
i have so many pictures. so many happy memories. sad ones too, yeah, but you always seemed to brighten those up. i was always the crybaby, and you never let me forget it. i put up with it though, like i always have with people. way back in nursery when you used to hit mark & ross and blame me - though looking back on it, they always knew it wasn't me who'd done it. it was the angelic looking one with the glasses on pink string. i always envied your glasses you know. cause you had them and nobody else did. you used to nick stuff as well, crayons and stuff.
remember we used to chalk on the pavements & play hopscotch, even though we were shit at it? i loved that man, ahhahaha.
i keep meaning to go and visit the grave, you know. i do. but i don't know, i can't do it by myself, & i don't want to ask anyone to come with me. i know kasey would but i know she'd also feel awkward because she didn't really know you, same with cleggie. i know saul would come if i asked him to, but i want to give him the right to miss you in his own way, he knew you as well. i don't really know who else to turn to.
i can't listen to s club fucking 7 any more, not that i did any more, really. but that one song. it's painful. it brings back your smile more than anything else, and it's that that i cannot believe is missing from this world. that and your stupid laugh. you took all of those things with you.
you took part of me with you.

january 13th 2010.

been a while, bawbags.

i actually haven't been on here in so long. i have quite a lot to say but to be honest, you probably don't want to hear it.
matt :D (L) new years was amaaaaaze, got mwimwimwi. went to gogglebox, got moreeee mwimwimwi.
joe fuckin' foster is a legend, as is catriona clegg.

rebecca plenderleith is souuuuuund :D