for sam.

these are things that most people wont know about me.

• nothing makes me happier than to sing & dance. i literally never feel so good.
• i drink far far too much fresh fruit juice. i think i might be addicted, it's worrying.
• i love the smell of vanilla.
• my baby brothers mean the whole entire world to me <3
• sometimes i just don't feel like making a joke. then everyone thinks there's something really wrong and complans at me. i am stuck in an endless cycle...
• i literally always have cold hands & feet.
• i'm allergic to my own skin. honest to god. urticaria.
• i'm a total geek. i mean harry potter, the lot.
• my only aim in life is to get to university and prove that hard work does pay off.
• i'm arrogant because i'm intelligent, and i'm aware of it. but i earn the right.
• i miss everyone i've lost. i think of saul all the time. but he's a cunt.
• relating to the above; saul is one of the major reasons i'm a cunt, but i think i'm one of the major reasons he's a cunt. i talk about him a lot.
• i'm a disney addict - you already know this :')
• i'm also a coffee addict...
• .....to be continued.
• ....continued
• it pisses me off when people act differently around their friends.
• i have at least 2 Take That albums. that i listen to.
• sometimes i still cry for niamh. never in front of other people. i'm shannen fucking calderwood, i have no human emotion ;D
• i love old horror movies.
• i love cheesy old movies. and musicals.
• AW speaking of musicals, here's my obsession; i seen fame the musical in theatre four times. one of those was in london's west end, where i spent the whole day with the cast as my mum's best mate's sister was in it. it was a toal surprise gift to me, i cried. they all signed my programme and we got vip seats ;D i also have the original movie on dvd, the new movie on dvd and the whole original tv series on dvd. i. love. fame. <33333
• if i could perform any one song on stage EVER it would be zombie by the cranberries.
• ....to be continued.
• ....continued.
• obviously, i genuinely hate the way i look. mostly my weight. but after 16 years you just learn to deal with it huh?
• adele - make you feel my love; always makes me think of my baby brother jamie <3
• i secretly like it when people call me babe. i'll always deny it though. don't overdo it but.
• i like getting cute texts, they make me smile. i won't smile in front of people. it makes me look like a girl.
• i fucking hate my dimples.
• i always wonder why my dad left. although he tells me he loves me more than anything else, it makes you think.
• i keep things that seem insignificant to other people; cinema tickets, train tickets, scribbled drawings. they're on my walls. my walls describe me well.
• i like you a lot more than you think i do ;D
• ....to be continued.
• ....continued
• i was about to tell you all this but you just took a strop. end of blog. goodbye.
• you made me blush.
• i hate not knowing things. like when someone says "naw ill tell you later" im like FUCKIN TELL ME NOW YA PRICK.

i miss my best friend.
catriona carol clegg, please come back.

a whole year down the line.

i know that in the last year this blog has become a memorial, where i direct everything i say at niamh. 
niamh's dead. a whole year dead. i suppose i should move on.


dead is a hard word to say when you are directly talking about somebody who used to be the other half of you.


sometimes i think it's worse that the people who came into my life and filled that gap are not dead. they're just no longer in it.


i love you niamh lafferty, i always have and i always will; i will never have another first best friend.