mhm.

this was supposed to be an essay, but i liked it, so.


Describe a person or event which has changed your life drastically.”

There are many people and events which have changed my life in what I would call a drastic way. People coming, people going, things happening. But nothing changed my life more drastically than the day my best friend left.

People use that term too lightly, “best friend”. Someone you’ve known a while and get along with, or someone you tell more secrets to than others. But Kimberley Murray was honestly my best friend. For nine years, we were inseparable. We done everything together, all of the time, since we were in primary 1. We used to have “sleepovers” and go round to each others houses - dropped off by our parents, obviously. We got older but the routine pretty much stayed the same - by primary 4 or 5 we were about 8 or 9, old enough to make our own way to each others houses which were only ten minutes or so apart. We would see each other after school almost every day, would stay over at weekends. Kimbo, although not called that until she was about 13, would come with me when I visited my dad’s house at weekends. By the time we were 11 or 12 we were getting the bus into Helensburgh most Saturdays and spending the day in town before staying at one of our houses. Our friendship was so effortless, it was brilliant. We just clicked, we were the two halves of the whole, “double trouble” - any nickname for a duo, that was Shan and Kim. From that young an age, she was my whole world, and I loved her, love her, with all my heart.

When we hit the “terrible teens” it was even better. Better for us, worse for our parents, I suppose. We had even better times than we had when we were younger, and I really appreciated Kimbo for a person in general, rather than my best friend. She really is an amazing individual, always going out of her way to make other people happy, and is always there to talk to if she’s needed. Through the past two or three years she has been there for me through some really hard times, and has never once complained about how selfish I have been, just dumping everything on her because it got too hard for me. She made me the person I am today by supporting me through everything, and that’s not just a cheesy line. We were never at home, we were always out, or at each other’s houses, just like we always had been. It was; school, Kimbo’s, home on the last bus, school - and so on until Friday when we went straight to Kim’s, I stayed the night, Saturday we went into town, I stayed the night, Sunday we went into town, and I went home on the last bus. We spent every second of time we possibly could together and yet we never got sick of each other - like I said, we were halves of the whole, like yin and yang, you couldn’t have one without the other, she completed me.

When she left, it tore me apart. It really did, there is no other way to put it, it was like a physical emptiness. You can’t spend 9 years of your life with somebody and then be able to cope when they walk out of your life and move 4 hours away. Four hours may not seem a lot but to a 14 year old girl with no money and no means of visiting and school to go to and problems to deal with, your best friend, your “soul sister” being that far away from you, is a really big deal. My mum, who had obviously known Kimbo for as long as I did, realised how hard it was for me to cope because even she got quite emotional, so I knew that I could always talk to my mum about it, but I didn’t really have much to say. I was missing part of me, a big part of me, and I knew it wouldn’t be coming back any time soon. I think a lot of people expected me to cry a lot, or mope around, but I didn’t. I got on with everything the same as usual but I was just “numb” I suppose. A lot of people use that word to describe a feeling of loss but that is really how I felt, as though nothing affected me any more, I was just on autopilot. I didn’t want to cry, but I didn’t want to laugh, either - nothing was particularly funny any more.

My life changed drastically when she left, but also in my accepting that she would not be coming back, and moving on. It took a while, but I assume everyone expected it to. I became more independent and my personality also changed a lot - I had spent 9 years with the same person, now I was making new friends and it was having a big effect on me. I met people like Catriona Clegg, who to this day is the person I will swear got me through it. Cleggie has inspired me in so many ways, I have never met a more selfless and brilliant person in my entire life - she is one of my heroes. Kim leaving helped me find her, so every cloud has a silver lining. It also taught me a lesson in life - everybody experiences loss in some way or another, and Kim leaving prepared me for events such as that. Recently a very good friend of mine committed suicide, and although the situation is hugely different, I do feel I used some tiny part of how I felt when Kimberley left to help me through that. It has also helped me see just how strong our friendship was, as I still speak to her every single day, have visited her many times in the year and a half since she has been gone, and she has visited me.

Kimberley Murray changed my life both as a person and as an event, when she left. She changed my life in a negative way, in such a bad way, that I thought I would never recover. But then I took some time to think about it and realised that I had been right all along, my Kimbo had changed my life for the better.